I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
