The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
