I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
