i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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