At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
