If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
