oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
