I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
