Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
