im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I love having hate sex.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
