Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
