Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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