I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
