hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This is the high leading the old right now
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
