yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
where are my eyebrows?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
