Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
