note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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