it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
