yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
