ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
