in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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