Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
