1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
