the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
