Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
