I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize