yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
