Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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