After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
