i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
