I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
