So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
