Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
