Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
