I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
