The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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