I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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