found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
