sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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