I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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