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my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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