I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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