so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
