so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
