After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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