If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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