You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
