I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
