hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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