Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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