It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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