Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
