I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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