I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
