I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
