Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
