Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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