Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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