i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
