Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
