me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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