Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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