I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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