he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Randomize
