She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
