I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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