by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
